


Sleepless

by Erin_ORiordan_Was_Here



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 06:37:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20596346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erin_ORiordan_Was_Here/pseuds/Erin_ORiordan_Was_Here
Summary: Joss Carter and John Reese both need to blow off a little steam. There is no moral to this story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Canon-divergent, obviously.

Joss Carter sighed and looked down at her drink, which she’d barely touched. As usual, crossing paths with John had preceded an extremely stressful night at work. They both needed to blow off some steam. He’d taken her up on her suggestion that they hit the bar and was on his second beer, but he’d barely said a word to her the whole time. Typical.

She definitely wasn’t drunk, so it must have been the tension between them that made her say it. “John, how long has it been?”

He set his bottle down, but he didn’t look at her. “How long has what been, Detective?”

“You know,” she said, wishing they weren’t in such a public place. No one sat near them, and the bartender seemed preoccupied at the other end of the bar, but the room suddenly felt too crowded. “Since you’ve been with a woman.”

“A long time,” he said, still not looking at her.

“It’s been a long time for me, too. Too long.” She paused to breathe deeply. “Have you ever thought about – you and me?”

He looked at her then, his cold blue eyes seeming to stare down deep inside her. “Too many…complications.”

She took another sip of the drink she didn’t really want. “What if there were no complications? No strings, no feelings. Just…stress relief. We both need it.”

He didn’t answer her, but turned back to face the bar and finished his drink. Her cheeks flushed, Carter calmly reached into her purse, counted out the bills to pay for her unfinished drink and set them down. She got up and walked away without so much as a goodbye – she’d already said too much.

As she neared the door, Carter suddenly felt John Reese’s arms around her. He pulled her into the hall leading to the ladies’ room and said into her ear, “Is this what you need, Josselyn? Do you want me this close to you, touching you?”

She closed her eyes; the way he said her name gave her familiar shivers of pleasure. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this way. “I think so, John,” she said, trying to sound as cool as possible as his firm grip on her loosened. “I think I need this. The question is, do you? Could you ever be that…vulnerable…with me? Naked?”

He made a sound somewhere between a deep laugh and feral growl. “This isn’t the place.” He let go of her; they stood eye to eye.

“I know a place,” she said.

****

“Where do you know this place from, Detective?” John looked around the motel room, and Carter figured he was plotting an emergency escape route. “Crime scene?” He took off his black jacket and laid it carefully on the back of the chair.

“I didn’t hear you offering to take me back to your place, John,” she said, emphasizing his name. So he was back to calling her “Detective,” was he? Did she make him nervous? She supposed he had reason to be; she had, after all, betrayed him to the Feds before her sudden change of heart.

“That would be…complicated, Josselyn.”

She watched him take off his shoulder holster. She was strapped too – still wearing her service weapon, of course – but watched with fascination as John took out the semiautomatic, checked the safety, then stashed it under the bed. Hidden in case anyone kicked in the door, but accessible. He did the same with the large-caliber revolver from his other side, then unbuttoned his shirt.

Carter started to undress, setting her weapon next to the TV. She let her jacket and blouse fall into a loose pile on the floor. John sighed as he laid his shirt over his jacket on the chair. Underneath that suit, he looked exactly as she’d imagined him: athletic, but not overly muscular, with a smooth chest. Since he didn’t strike her as the waxing type, it must’ve been natural.

“I did that, didn’t I?” she said as he turned to her, noticing the small, jagged scar on his belly that could only have come from a bullet wound. She may not have pulled the trigger, but it had been her fault all the same. He’d almost died that night.

“That’s complicated, too.” He held out his hand and she took it, accepting his invitation to come in closer. She resisted the urge to run her hand over the scar, afraid it might still cause him pain.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I know.” He pulled her in closer, running his hands down her sides, and Carter wanted more. She heard – felt – him inhale deeply as she reached back to unhook her bra. To his credit, John didn’t go straight for her breasts.

She was also grateful he didn’t try to kiss her. That seemed too intimate, too…complicated. It did feel good to be pressed up against him, though, his long fingers raking through her hair softly. Okay, he smelled slightly like beer, but also like a soft aftershave that reminded her of cloves. He hadn’t shaved recently, though. She could feel the barest hint of stubble on the underside of his jaw.

She wasn’t sure which of them made the first move over toward the bed, but soon they stood on opposite sides. She watched him unbuckle his belt, then turned her back, almost shy, while she stripped down to her favorite pink lace panties. Carter was glad she’d worn them, though she couldn’t quite explain why she had. 

She turned back around in time to see him unstrap the K-Bar knife from his leg. If he were anyone else, she’d have been alarmed at the arsenal he traveled with. She’d arrested gangsters who carried fewer weapons. Hell, she hadn’t been that strapped over in the Gulf.

Their eyes met, and she returned his smile. “I like to be prepared,” he said, almost apologizing.

“Speaking of which…” She reached into her purse and pulled out a condom, then slid it over to his side of the bed. Then she took off the panties, challenging him to step out of his last remaining bit of clothing, those black boxers.

He accepted her challenge. Damn – talk about weaponry.


	2. Sleepless, Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty, plotless smut with no moral to the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most explicit chapter, btw.

As he sat on the edge of the bed, she came around to his side. “You’re a beautiful woman, Joss.” She watched the way he bit his lower lip and almost leaned in to kiss him, but thought better of it. In her moment’s hesitation, he reached up for her and pulled her into his lap. It felt oddly familiar, as if she belonged here, and turned her on more than she’d dared to fantasize about.

He lay back, pulling her down with him, gently maneuvering her so her breasts were in his face. He sucked one while his fingers played lightly with the other. She drove her hips into him, crazy with wanting. “John – condom.”

“Not yet,” he said into her chest. She sighed in frustration. Before she knew what was happening, he had her flat on her back. She expected to feel his weight on top of her, but instead he spread her legs and knelt between them. She decided not to be offended at the way he liked to take control.

It was impossible to be offended at the way he slowly kissed and sucked his way up the inside of her thigh. His hot breath felt good, and the way one hand lightly brushed the inside of her other thigh gave her shivers. She caught herself moaning as if the pleasure were some terrible pain.

“Don’t stop,” she begged, sounding more desperate than she’d intended. He sounded pleased with himself as she reached down to run her fingers through his hair – and subtly nudge him closer to her very needy clit.

He seemed to get the message, slipping two fingers inside her as he circled her clit with his tongue. She spread her legs wider, welcoming him in further. Those fingers felt so good…and it had been so long since anyone had touched her like this…

The pressure steadily increased, and Carter’s hips swung wildly. Struggling not to scream, she came hard. John’s mouth never left her, but when Carter caught her breath and looked up, their eyes met. She sat up, threw her arms around him and took his mouth with hers. No feelings, she told herself. She only wanted the sensation.

Pressed against him, exploring her taste with her tongue inside his mouth, with his rock-hard erection against her belly, Carter felt as though she would burn if she didn’t have him inside her. She broke away. “Condom. Now.”

He nodded and located the wrapper near her foot. He ripped the package open, and she helped him roll it on. He wrapped his arms around her and started to lay her back down, but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. “There’s something you need to know - I don’t like to be held down.”

“I won’t.” He lay on his side, head on the pillow, and she lay beside him, looking into his eyes. He pulled her tight against him, holding her hips. The heat between their bodies was incredible; she felt the sweat pool between her breasts. “Joss, I need to-“

“Oh, god, John, do it.” She closed her eyes and put her leg over his to let him in. They both sighed – this felt natural, but also thrilling. He held her hips tightly, but mostly lay still while she moved against him. She wanted this. After all her nights of dreaming of this moment, she finally had him inside her, filling her, and it felt much better than she’d imagined. His obvious sounds of pleasure only turned her on more, and within minutes she came again. Harder. Longer. She bit her lip to keep from screaming, but was still surprised at the desperate sounds she made.

Laughing softly, he brought his mouth close to her ear. “If I promise not to hold you down, will you let me take over?”

She’d barely managed to get out a “yes” before he pulled away from her, only to pick her up, stand up and set her ass on the headboard. The bed squeaked in protest as she wrapped her legs around him. Both the headboard and her back slammed against the wall, but Carter didn’t mind. She knew what John was capable of when something drew his anger, but tonight his aggression only served her pleasure.

Her pleasure heightened when she opened her eyes, peeked around his shoulder and saw their reflection in the mirror behind the TV. All this time, those dark suits had been hiding that beautiful ass. She watched him grinding into her, legs wrapped around him, feeling each stroke as she watched its reflection.

If only the room had a mirror on the ceiling. She would have loved to watch him kneeling between her thighs, her fingers twisting in his hair while he ate her. Just the thought pushed Carter to the edge again, but as she listened to John’s hard breathing, she wondered if she could make him lose it with her. What would be sweeter than watching Mr. Control Freak lose his mind?

She dug her nails deeper into his back. If only he wasn’t so…oh god…too late. He rode her hard while she came again. She bit her lip so hard, she tasted blood, but still couldn’t keep herself completely quiet.

Her muted screams only seemed to have one effect on John, though. He brought his lips closer to her ear and whispered, “Again, Joss? You really needed it bad, huh?”

“Don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Your turn next.”

Her words did something to him; he groaned loudly and slammed his hand into the wall. A moment later, he pulled them back down to the mattress – leaving her on top, as he promised. She kept her eyes locked onto his as she sat up straight and tried her best to give as good as she got.

She knew his was close from the way he panted and clutched her hips. They were both covered in sweat by now, and his hair was wild. She wanted to savor this accomplishment, but even more, she wanted to watch him come inside her.

He turned his head, but Carter said sternly, “John, look at me.” He turned to her, his eyes wide. She felt his muscles tense underneath her, but wasn’t expecting the raw scream she tore from his throat. She never stopped swinging her hips, never broke eye contact, but broke out in a satisfied, joyful laugh. John’s holler tapered off into a deep laugh, and if Carter wasn’t mistaken, he sounded pretty satisfied, too.

Separating felt unnatural, but she had to let him take the condom off. Carter got under the covers. She wanted to get home to her son, but she had to rest first. As she turned toward the pillow, exhausted, he moved her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck. “No complications,” she reminded him. She must have fallen asleep quickly. When she woke up, he was simply gone.


	3. Possible Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...in which Joss and John's "no complications" plan falls through.

Joss Carter awoke to the sound of someone knocking on her bedroom door. Taylor, she realized as she opened her eyes. Her 17-year-old son stood in the doorway, a wise-beyond-his-years look of consternation on his face.

“Mom,” he said urgently. “Is your alarm clock broken or something? You’re going to be late for work.”  
Carter looked at clock and realized he was right. If she didn’t get out of bed and pull her clothes on right now, she’d never have time to drop Taylor off at school and get herself to the precinct on time. She’d slept almost an hour later than usual, and she didn’t even remember hitting the snooze button.  
She rushed to her closet and grabbed the first blouse she could find, followed by a hastily chosen jacket and slacks. “I’m coming, Taylor,” she said to the young man who still stood in the doorway, watching her. Of course he was watching her – this may have been the first time in his life he’d seen his mother so disorganized.

“Don’t worry about me,” he responded. “I fed myself, and I’m catching a ride to school with Erica and her mom.”

Carter breathed a sigh of relief that she’d raised a son responsible enough to call a friend from school for a ride. She was only slightly irritated that Taylor hadn’t woken her up sooner. “Thanks, kid,” she said. “I don’t know why I slept so late.”

She meant it. The night before had been no different from her usual routine. When her shift ended, she’d come home, made dinner for Taylor and herself and did a little laundry before bed. She couldn’t explain why the simple acts of her daily routine had left her so exhausted lately.

At the precinct, her head dipped low over her paperwork for the fourth time of the morning when Detective Fusco said something to her. “Late night, Detective Carter?”

“No,” she said. “Just a normal Tuesday night.”

“If you don’t mind me saying so, you look exhausted.”

“I must be coming down with something,” she said. “I did feel a little queasy at breakfast – maybe I’m getting the flu.”

“Flu?” She looked up to see the captain standing behind her. “Go home, Carter, before you infect half my precinct.”

“But, Captain, I’m fine,” she protested.

“I’ve been watching you yawn and nod your head all morning,” the captain said. “You’re no good to me tired. Go home and get some rest.”

She thought about protesting further, but he was right: she wasn’t at her best, and her cases were going to suffer for it. Reluctantly, Carter went home and took a nap.

When she woke up, Carter’s stomach rumbled. She went to make herself a bowl of soup, but somehow, none of the varieties of soup in the pantry looked good to her.

She opened the fridge to explore her options when her phone rang. “Playing hooky, Detective?”  
Mentally, she cursed John Reese for the way her body reacted to the sound of his voice. “I have the flu.”

He said something, but Carter had stopped listening. She closed her eyes, remembering that night at the hotel. Up until this moment, she’d refused to think of what she and John had done as a mistake. Now she realized she hadn’t felt so exhausted and nauseated…since she’d been pregnant with Taylor.

“Detective Carter, are you all right?”

“I’m fine, John,” she said as she dashed to her purse to find her calendar. She looked for the last date with a red circle around it and found it – six weeks ago. She did the math quickly. “Damn it,” she said out loud, forgetting the phone she still held to her ear. “I’m too old to be peeing on a stick like some teenager.”

“Carter – what did you say?”

Damn it. What had she said to him that night- no complications? Well, this was turning into one pretty damn big complication.

“Did you say – peeing on a stick?”

“Just meet me at the coffee shop, John.” She hung up, hating him for making her feel this way. That damned stick had better not turn blue.


	4. Definite Complication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joss makes her decision.

Harold Finch entered the office to find Mr. Reese sitting at the desk near the window, sipping from a tall, steaming cup of coffee. “Good morning, Mr. Finch. I brought you some tea.”

“Thank you, Mr. Reese.” He sat down and turned on his monitor, and Reese brought the tea to him. “I spoke with Detective Carter yesterday. When I mentioned, offhand, that she was in need of a vacation, she told me she planned to take one.” Finch looked over the top of the computer at Reese, catching his eye. “She said that in a few months, she’ll be on maternity leave.”

Reese only shrugged.

“You don’t look too surprised, Mr. Reese.”

“I’m not. About a month ago, I saw her walk into a bodega and buy a pregnancy test. I thought…it might…have had a different outcome.”

Finch raised an eyebrow. “Were you very…invested in the outcome, Mr. Reese?”

“Not at all. If she’s happy, then I’m happy for her.”

Finch shook his head and looked down at the monitor. “For a moment, I thought I detected a note of jealousy, perhaps directed at the detective’s significant other, whoever he may be.”

“You thought I was jealous of the father? No, Mr. Finch, I don’t envy him at all.”

“Detective Carter is a strong, beautiful woman, John. No one would blame you if you had amorous feelings for her.”

“There are no amorous feelings, Mr. Finch, on either side. There may be a lot of…tension between us, but my interest in Detective Carter is strictly professional.”

“Of course it is. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.” He opened the folder he’d left beside his desk the night before and got to work.

****

Reese didn’t care what Finch thought, what Finch knew. He had to talk to Carter. She came to meet him; they talked in her car. Reese was glad he was sitting behind her, because he didn’t think he could look her in the eye.

“John, if you’ve got something to say, then say it.”

“Finch said that you…made a decision.” He knew she was looking at him, trying to catch his eye, but he couldn’t meet her gaze.

“Look, I know we said no complications. I had an appointment at the clinic and everything. Then one night I was looking at Taylor, remembering what he was like when he was a baby, and I thought, I’m almost forty. I might never have another chance to do this.”

This felt familiar – wanting so badly to hold on to something he couldn’t possibly have.

She laughed; it sounded a little sad. “I know you didn’t ask for this, and I know I’ll be doing this alone.”

“Joss.” His eyes were wet. He hoped she couldn’t hear it in his voice. “Know this: I will do anything to keep you safe. I will die to keep you safe.”

“You mean you’ll disappear and make everyone think you’re dead again.”

“If necessary. Josselyn – no feelings, remember?”

“Easier said than done, John, especially when I’ve got all these hormones kicking in.”

He leaned in and stroked her neck with the back of his hand, a small gesture of comfort. “You know we can’t do this. Everyone close to me ends up getting hurt.”

She nodded. “I took all that into account when I made my decision. I can’t blame you. You didn’t ask for this.”

“No, but I’ll do whatever I can to protect you. I should go.” He had to go. If he stayed any longer he would do something he’d really regret, and he still couldn’t look her in the eye.

“John?” He stopped, his hand on the door handle, but didn’t turn. “You saved my life. You saved my son. Some part of me – a big part – is always going to be grateful to have a little piece of you to remember you by.”

His voice caught in his throat, and he couldn’t have said anything, even if he could think of the right thing to say. He got out of her car, and she drove off. Watching her leave hurt, but it was a familiar hurt, just the way things went. He couldn’t let anyone hurt her because of him.

****

Carter found Taylor at his desk, deeply immersed in social studies homework. She sat down on her son’s bed. “Taylor, can I talk to you for a minute?”

He closed his school book and sat beside her. “Sure, Ma. Is something wrong?”

She smiled. “No, nothing’s wrong. I wanted to let you know…you’re going to have a little brother or sister.”

Taylor nodded, but his face betrayed surprise. “You’re pregnant? So that’s why you’ve been tired all the time.”

“Yeah. You noticed that, huh?”

“I thought maybe you were depressed because of your job. You know, seeing dead people and all that. Ma, I know it’s really none of my business, but – do you have a boyfriend that I don’t know about?”

She shook her head. “It’s just you and me, Taylor.”

“Did somebody hurt you?”

“Only my heart, boo.”

Taylor let go her hand, but leaned in for a one-handed hug. “I’m sorry, Mom. So – you love this guy, but he doesn’t love you? What is he, married or something?”

She didn’t want to burden Taylor with her troubles, but it did feel nice to have somebody sympathetic to talk to. “No, he’s not married. It’s a whole lot more complicated than that. I think he does love me, in a way, but it’s very…complicated.”

“Wow. After all these years, I’m finally going to be a big brother. I’m happy for you, Mom. I might even change a few diapers.”

“Taylor, I promise you, I will do my best to let you be the big brother and not some kind of junior parent.”

“It’s OK, Mom. I don’t mind helping out.”

She kissed his forehead. “You’re the best son a mother could ask for.” She got up to leave, but stopped at the doorway. “Taylor, there’s one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Your little brother or sister might be kind of…light-skinned. Try not to be shocked.”

“Ma, you know I don’t care what color people are.”

Feeling a great sense of pride, Joss Carter went back to her room. She refused to cry. She would stay strong and refuse to ever think of her decision as a mistake.


	5. Not So Alone After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joss counted on going this alone. She may not be as alone as she thought.

Joss remembered this from when she was pregnant with Taylor: the moment her belly was officially too big to allow her to sleep comfortably. After half a dozen extremely restless nights - during each of which she cursed herself for having been reckless enough to have gotten into this situation, after she’d cursed John for having been conveniently nearby in her moment of weakness – she went out to the big bed and bath store and bought a body pillow. It was no help at all. She’d been a single mom a long time, but had gotten through her first pregnancy only with much help from her husband. A body pillow was no substitute for the real thing.

Carter sighed. She’d just have to bite the bullet and call him, no matter how much it hurt her pride. He’d probably turn her down, anyway. He was probably on a self-appointed stakeout, or sound asleep after a long day of kicking ass. Still, she had to be practical – she wasn’t any good to anyone if she couldn’t sleep more than an hour or so at a time. She was exhausted, and she needed to ask. Reluctantly, she picked up her phone.

He picked up on the second ring. “Joss, is everything okay?”

“Actually – no. I can’t find a comfortable position to sleep in.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

She hesitated. “If you’re not doing anything.”

“I’ll be there in half an hour.”

She hated this. She hated needing anything from him, waiting for him, asking him back into her bed. When she’d made the decision to carry the baby, they’d agreed to keep the complications to a minimum. Still, when he let himself into the apartment, she felt a little pang of longing. It quickly passed.

“I’m here,” he said, “but I’m not sure how I can help.”

“When I was pregnant with Taylor, my husband would let me lie with one arm across his belly. Propped up like that, I could get some sleep without my belly getting in the way so much.”

“You know I can’t be here every night.” Was it her imagination, or did he sound disappointed?

"I know, I know. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in almost a week, John. I’m getting desperate. Could we at least try?"

He nodded. “Of course.” He followed her into the bedroom, where he took off his shoes, jacket, belt and watch. “Which way do you want me?"

“The usual way – on your back, head on the pillow.” He did as she asked. She got in the other side of her bed and pulled the blankets up over them. She could feel the chill of the winter night on his skin, but she’d take care of that soon enough. Facing his head, she draped an arm across his body, resting her face against the hard, flat muscle just below his ribcage. This angle lifted her belly off the mattress enough to take the pressure off.

“Is this okay?” she asked him.

“It’s fine,” he said quickly, so quickly she suspected he was lying. “Joss, you’re so warm.”

“I’m not warm, John. You’re cold, but you won’t be after a few minutes under the blankets with me.

“I remember,” he said with a slight laugh. “Good night, Joss."

“Good night, John.”

Soothed by the familiar scent of his shirt, she relaxed and fell asleep. When she dreamed, she dreamed of being at work, coming across two cold bodies in the field. Her eyes fell on the smaller man first. He lay on his side, the gunshot wounds plainly evident in his chest – John’s enigmatic partner, Finch. She fought back a wave of tears as she noticed five fingers, protectively holding onto Finch, shielding him even in death. She didn’t mean to look at his face. A quick glance revealed blue eyes open, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling. She screamed and fell back into Fusco.

“Joss.” She awoke to John shaking her gently. The sun was up; she must have had a few hours of sleep. “Having a nightmare?”

With some difficulty she sat up, leaning back into him, and he embraced her. It was embarrassing how reassuring this felt. “Pregnancy hormones do strange things to the brain. I’ll be glad when this is over.” She didn’t say what they both knew: even after the baby was born and placed with her adoptive parents – Joss’s cousin Rick and his wife – they’d never stop worrying about whether or not she was safe. This could go wrong in a thousand different ways, but Joss didn’t regret her decision. She knew she couldn’t have lived with the alternative.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?”

Thinking about it brought tears to her eyes. “Not really. I thought I lost you, that’s all.” Her face pressed up against his chest, she felt him sigh. As good as it felt to be in his arms, he couldn’t truly reassure her; they both knew losing him was a possibility every single day. Hey, it wasn’t like her job was exactly safe either.

“Want to try to get a little more sleep?"

“No. I’m awake now. Thanks for your help.” He showed no sign of letting her go any time soon, and that was fine with Joss. It was nice just to feel his heartbeat.

“I’ll be here whenever I can,” he said.

“I hate to be a burden.”

“You’re not. Don’t ever think that. I figured we’d spend more time together as we got closer to the due date.”

She took a deep breath and tried to keep her tears from falling and soaking into his white shirt. They were skirting a dangerous area here, a relationship that didn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t exist. At the same time, for very practical reasons, she needed him. The softer places inside her – the places she liked to think came from her overactive hormones – needed to believe they loved one another, at least a little.

His cheek brushed against her forehead. The night’s coldness was gone; he was warm now. “Do you need to leave now, John?”

“Not yet. Finch is hardly ever up this early. Why don’t I make you some breakfast?”

She sat up and wiped her eyes. “I’d like that.” Her bladder wouldn’t let her sit around much longer anyway. “Help me up?"

He got up and walked around to her side of the bed. She held out both hands, and he lifted her to her feet. For a moment, she thought he would kiss her.

Instead, he headed for the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not happily-ever-after (these two were never destined for a HEA), but happy enough for now.


End file.
